Leah + I made the trip up last Friday morn with my brother Dave, who'd spent the previous 5 days in D.C., camping out with Peace of the Action. (Go, Dave!)
The rest of the weekend was spent with him, my mom, sisters, sister's husband + their 2 little ones. The cousins had a blast, playing like puppies... starting right where they left off with each other. I love seeing how they can do that!
I spent the weekend catching up, meeting my sister's new beau, eating yum food. I heard lots of loving + supportive things from everyone and participated in real, honest conversations. A new thing! Not all of the conversation was comfortable, but I'm thankful for all of it, because something new was going on with me: I'd stopped hiding.
I've been trying to get away from my family since I became a teenager (maybe earlier). And now, finally, I feel like I don't need to. It may seem like a simple + obvious thing, but to me it's a fucking revelation.
As for that sadness that seemed ever-present, always in the background? Gone. It still visits from time to time, but it's no longer a constant fixture. It's like I was given permission to live my life + not have to apologize for it. Did I get that acceptance from my family? From myself? I'm not sure it matters, because the shift happened + it's changed me. I can feel the anger I've carried around within myself for so many years slowly seeping away.
I have a pretty kick-ass family. Really, they are the best! I couldn't see this while I was in hiding. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. Oh, and gaining weight. I found a scale at my mom's, and I weighed in at 100. Yikes!
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