Just in time for this weekend...

Some pictures from last weekend, at the Union County Music Fest. Leah went on her first ride and rocked out to Glenn Tilbrook (from The Squeeze). We also caught the last few minutes of the incredible They Might Be Giants. Almost 20 years after I first heard 'em. Damn.

After-dinner turtle

Paint

Last week Leah brought home a decorated vase from school























Which she felt compelled to show the painters, who arrived on Saturday


















To wrap the back,


















And then front of the house in a giant blue cocoon!

Mary

Having some time to kill before my train out of the city last night, I decided to just browse at the Borders above Penn Station. Instead, I boarded the train not only with snacks-as-dinner, but a new Mary Oliver book. Oops. But! Red Bird, her 2nd-newest collection of poetry, is sublime. A taste:

Percy* and Books (Eight)

Percy does not like it when I read a book.
He puts his face over the top of it and moans.
He rolls his eyes, sometimes he sneezes.
The sun is up, he says, and the wind is down.
The tide is out and the neighbor's dogs are playing.
But Percy, I say. Ideas! The elegance of language!
The insights, the funniness, the beautiful stories
that rise and fall and turn into strength, or courage.

Books? says Percy. I ate one once, and it was enough.
Let's go.

* Percy is a dog.


Summer Story

When the hummingbird
sinks its face
into the trumpet vine,
into the funnels

of the blossoms,
and the tongue
leaps out
and throbs,

I am scorched
to realize once again
how many small, available things
are in this world

that aren't
pieces of gold
or power---
that nobody owns

or could buy even
for a hillside of money---
that just
float about the world,

or drift over the fields,
or into the gardens,
and into the tents of the vines,
and now here I am

spending my time,
as the saying goes,
watching until the watching turns into feeling,
so that I feel I am myself

a small bird
with a terrible hunger,
with a thin beak probing and dipping
and a heart that races so fast

it is only a heartbeat ahead of breaking---
and I am the hunger and the assaugement,
and also I am the leaves and the blossoms,
and, like them, I am full of delight, and shaking.

I want to be with the tall, tall trees

And moss + grass + shaded paths.

I'm thinking a trip needs to be planned here very soon. Am feeling the vacation withdrawal. One little week is not enough!

Big Apple

She made it out of video patch cables.

Crickets are calling

When we left NJ, it was summer. And now - home again, beautiful fall is showing her face.

I'm lounging next to a sleeping child, wishing we were still somewhere up north. Home is nice, but this past week away from it has been more relaxing than any vacation in recent memory. So grateful to everyone who made it possible! And tired, but in a very good way.

The rest of the pictures are here. I'm off to sleep before starting back to work in the morning. In September!

Vermont, ho!

Desires fulfilled, we are back from a grand - if slightly rainy - day in my birth state. We were greeted immediately off the ferry by sweet VT perfume (cow pooop) + long, windy roads that called for speed.

Here is Leah, contemplating a dead wasp on her father's plate after a delicious lunch.






















Back at the lake, the sun broke through + called for swimming, a late dinner, and chocolate ice cream with raspberries (that even I could eat)! Yummm. Tomorrow we leave for Massachusetts to stay with my sister's family for a few days. More vacation... I could get used to this.

Spelunkin'

The weather turned out bright + sunny after a small patch of rain, and we had a grand 'ol time exploring caves. The area was so beautiful, full of rocks + water + moss + plants... all sorts of things to climb over. Pretty much my favorite things, all in one place. Pictures here.























Today my mom ("Gram") arrived for a visit. I have to say, I really like these revolving-door visits with family: more informal, yet better one-on-one time. Swimming, boat ride, blackberry picking, building hamsters w/ Legos, and finally Gram was asked to read a book about the birds 'n bees before bedtime. Haha!

Tomorrow we're taking the ferry in nearby Ticonderoga to Middlebury, VT, where my only desires are to eat at Tully + Marie's and browse at a used bookstore.

And now, there are an amazing variety of teeny-tiny little bugs all over my laptop screen + getting in my face, so I'm gonna go + shut down the Screen of Fascinating Light. Sorry, bugs!

Living After Midnight

Here we are, at the lake! We took our sweet time packing yesterday, not getting on the road until after 7pm. Which was bliss. So relaxing. Leah fell asleep before we stopped for dinner, allowing us to blast Judas Priest through 2 states + a raging thunderstorm. We arrived sometime around 1am, which is about when I'd be falling asleep, anyway. Perfect trip.

Today was fun + relaxing... late breakfast, reading the paper (on the internets), golf cart ride, reading, grocery run, swimming. And then my brother Dave showed up at the door just before dinner! Fabulous surprise!

Here are some shots + a silly video from today (yeah, I cut my hair). Tomorrow we're hoping to go here if too-much-rain doesn't keep us corralled inside. Vacation!!

She's Got To Be

For my birthday, I got myself + the Robster tickets to see Amy Ray @ the Mercury Lounge in NYC. The woman is truly amazing... an incredible force of talent, intellect, and heart. The night was one of the best concerts of my life. Not a bad way to start a new year!

35

I'm starting to like this getting-older thing. Life as I know it keeps getting better!

Last week I started reading my four-year-old blog from the beginning. Which was like finding a ridiculously old diary: cringe-worthy + a little bit funny (though not funny enough to read it again).

I can't say I could identify with the person I was, but I understood where she was coming from + felt compassion for where she was in her life. She went through that all-consuming new-baby stage, depression + anger re: reconciling her new world with the old, and then finally learned to strike a balance + start living her life. Yeah!

Balance is fabulous. Growing into ourselves, also fabulous. I can't wait to see what this new year brings. :)

My little sister is here!

Picnic dinner at the town pool last night, blueberry pancakes this morning + then back to the pool. Fresh corn, tomatoes, and pasta tonight. And another whole day tomorrow! I love that she's here... and I'm definitely not the only one. Feels more like summer with family.

It Might Get Loud

Here's another one I'm dying to see. Opens today in NY + LA.

"A documentary on the electric guitar from the point of view of three rock legends": Jack White, The Edge, and Jimmy Page. Heaven!

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

This looks a-mazing! Cannot freaking wait. A film by Terry Gilliam, who describes the premise as a "fun and humorous story about the consequences of our personal choices in life." From Wikipedia:

"Christopher Plummer, Tom Waits, and Heath Ledger star in the film, though Ledger's death one-third of the way through filming caused production to be temporarily suspended. Ledger's role was recast with Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell portraying transformations of Ledger's character Tony as he travels through a dream world."

Sleeping patterns of the 4-year-old Bean

We've never been sticklers for when/where/how she sleeps. We figure as long as she does sleep + everyone's happy, who cares about the details?

Lately she's been sleeping on a cot next to her own bed, or sometimes even in her bed. Tonight... she's sleeping on her yoga mat. Next to her bed. Such a funny one, she is!

Morning painting (one in a series)

(By Leah, not me!)

A new question

Two days ago, in between brushing her teeth + putting hair ribbons on her rabbit, Leah asked me, "Where did I come from?" I didn't know what she was talking about, thinking she was referring to which room in the house she had just left. But no, she wanted to know how she came to be born. So I told her. Simple + easy, and a satisfied (for now) child. SO cool.

As someone who's studied + worked in reproductive health, I've looked forward to these types of conversations with my own daughter, and here we are!

Idiocracy

This could be a sign of my advancing age, or I may just be an "elitist snob" (yes, probably). Either way, I really loved this post by Roger Ebert yesterday: The gathering Dark Age. You might say it's a stretch to connect the kids' movie-watching trends with the dumbing down of America, but I will say to you that everything's related.

Speaking of, if you haven't seen the movie Idiocracy, Mike Judge's dystopian vision of a dumbed-down society, I recommend. Full of teh dumb, smart + funny... if you like that sort of thing. ;)

Right now

she's building flying cars with Legos + singing the theme song to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. I love moments like this.

The cat came back

Hooray! Totally relieved. You know how vacation can be really amazing, but it's always nice to get home again? It's like that.

Now I get to go grocery shopping, alone. Why no, I'm not ashamed that this is exciting. It's like a road trip... to Trader Joe's.

Raspberry fingers

72 hours in

And yeah, still loving the time to myself. As much "time to myself" that happens while working + tending to a 4-yr-old. I've cleared things out + gotten things done, on my own terms. Feels so good. New routines are the shit!

It's funny to see how I've gotten into a rut while navigating around other people's wants/needs at home. I've allowed myself to become dependent on all the little things each of us are "supposed to" do, in order to maintain a kind of equilibrium. Which is helpful in some regards, but ultimately not what I want. I want to take out the trash sometimes, too, dammit! (Or even choose not to.)

I love, love, love my family, but my dream is to one day have my own little apartment or house, even next door. When I heard that Tim Burton + Helena Bonham Carter share separate, yet attached, houses, I thought, "What a brilliant idea!" Who wouldn't benefit from having their own space?

Maybe it's time to get out the duct tape + mark off my own side of the house! Haha.

13 hours in

Yeah, definitely loving this.

The cat's away

Rob's off recording in a barn + nearby private school in western NJ for the next 5 days. So the bean + I have some time to ourselves. Am both apprehensive + excited about this. Right now the weather is gorgeous, the house is clean, and she's occupied. So far, so good.

The two of us have been having some rough times lately. She's been doing experiments with my patience + I haven't exactly been Zen Mama. I started a book yesterday (Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort) that's helped immensely already. Here's hoping we both learn good things this week. Oh, and have some fun! Gotta dust off my summer camp Craft Counselor skillz.

Wet paint

She had a blast painting her dried clay "cookies" outside this past Saturday, mixing her favorite colors together.

Chopper

At a friend's bbq this past weekend. Yes, it's a toy. And yes, I want one!

Today I walked into Victoria's Secret

No, not a joke. Needed a new bra. Which I didn't get, because apparently the only bras they have in my size are push-up or padded numbers. WTF?

Anyway, as I was walking through this enormous shrine to boobage + all-that-is-supposed-to-be-sexy, my boobs weren't the only part of me feeling small. Almost immediately, the Victoria's Secret advertising started to invade my head. You know... the advertising that tells women to buy their stuff in order to be "sexy"+ become proper desirable women? And that without their stuff, women are not woman enough? Which is annoying, because I didn't have those goals when I walked in the store. I just wanted a bra to hold my boobs up.

This made me think about what it's like for men to buy underwear. Probably a little different, although I am not sure - having never been a man buying underwear.

Here are some other things that are probably a little different for many men. (Read the entire post for clarification. It's long, but good.) I post this not to piss on men (I love men and women and all variations thereof!), but as an interesting observation. I like interesting observations, and I think you might, too.

At the lake for the 4th

Relishing the water on our one sunny day. Didn't take many photos... left the camera at home! Back at the end of August for a longer visit.

Put it in ya mouth

Although I'm sure it'll gross me out more than the new Transformers movie, Food, Inc. is now on my list 'o movies to see this summer. (Thanks, Biff!)



From the website:

In Food, Inc., filmmaker Robert Kenner lifts the veil on our nation's food industry, exposing the highly mechanized underbelly that has been hidden from the American consumer with the consent of our government's regulatory agencies, USDA and FDA. Our nation's food supply is now controlled by a handful of corporations that often put profit ahead of consumer health, the livelihood of the American farmer, the safety of workers and our own environment. We have bigger-breasted chickens, the perfect pork chop, herbicide-resistant soybean seeds, even tomatoes that won't go bad, but we also have new strains of E. coli—the harmful bacteria that causes illness for an estimated 73,000 Americans annually. We are riddled with widespread obesity, particularly among children, and an epidemic level of diabetes among adults.

Featuring interviews with such experts as Eric Schlosser (Fast Food Nation), Michael Pollan (The Omnivore's Dilemma, In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto) along with forward thinking social entrepreneurs like Stonyfield's Gary Hirshberg and Polyface Farms' Joel Salatin, Food, Inc. reveals surprising—and often shocking truths—about what we eat, how it's produced, who we have become as a nation and where we are going from here.

Just for fun

... and in case anyone needed clarification!

Yes, it is all about the mocking + exposing. But I'm not sure what Netroots is + haven't watched Jon Stewart in a while. Also, not fond of the word "liberal", which is probably Bill O'Reilly's fault in some way. Does that make me a bad liberal? ;)-

My Liberal Identity:

You are a New Left Hipster, also known as a MoveOn.org liberal, a Netroots activist, or a Daily Show fanatic. You believe that if we really want to defend American values, conservatives must be exposed, mocked, and assailed for every fanatical, puritanical, warmongering, Constitution-shredding ideal for which they stand.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Waking up this morning

With a cat in her lap.

First pool day of the season

Yesterday the bean + I packed up our stuff, bared our tattoos, and invaded the town pool.






















Hello, summer!

Days like that get me through the windowless, inside-all-day, is-it-really-summer? days like today. Which aren't all the bad, but do make me yearn for the outside pretty badly. HOWEVER, we do have a 4-day lake trip coming up this weekend, so we'll get our fill then. The weather forecast calls for rain every day, but I refuse to believe it. Come on, sun!

MJ

Here's my first memory of Michael Jackson, aside from my dad bringing "Thriller" home (on tape!) and my way-cool classmates having MJ folders for their papers at school.

I was on a bus, probably on some school trip, watching a few of my (3rd grade?) classmates try to sing 'Billie Jean'. Someone had written the lyrics out on a piece of paper, and they were gathered around in the back of the bus, singing along. Quite innocently. Until a teacher confiscated that sheet of paper + proceeded to lecture all of us on the evils of that music. (Thank you, Christian school! Remind me to refrain from lecturing Leah too much. It REALLY doesn't work.)

And that is when I first became a fan.

That's just the way it is

Yesterday, before I could explain to Leah why I wanted her to do something like hurry up or put away her clothes or her toys, she provided her own answer: "Because that's the way it is?"

Well, yes! That's the way it is. Thanks for that, child 'o mine.

The importance of fathers

I love this piece by Tracy Clark-Flory on Salon.com re: the huge importance of fathers, so I'm posting the whole thing. Happy Father's Day!

Feminism meets Father's Day

Some years ago, when she was 20-years-old, her dad announced to her that women were like shoes: "You have your fancy dress shoes that you wear out on special occasions, and you have your sneakers that you kick around the house in." So writes blogger Clio Bluestocking in a brave and heartbreaking post titled, "Daddy Issues." At the time, she asked her dad in response: "What about me, then. What if some guy treated me like the sneakers?" He responded: "I'd feel sorry for you, but I'd understand him."

It's an unusual story to tell ahead of Father's Day -- a story about learning what it means to be a woman. People tend to tell stories about how their dads taught them to play ball, navigate a tool box, fix a flat tire or mow a beloved lawn. These misty-eyed remembrances are rarely just about playing ball or mowing a lawn, of course -- they're about learning what it means to be a man, your dad's type of man. Stories about girls learning their place in the world are typically reserved for Mother's Day -- because, heck, what's a father have to do with womanhood or femininity?

Looking at Clio's story, the answer should be clear: A whole heckuva lot. "In that moment, I knew that my father did not respect me," she writes. "My brothers would go through the world as men, while I was supposed to go through the world for men. Men were full people, and I was not. What's more, I was supposed to embrace that role, and any rejection of it was a problem with me, not with the world." Some women successfully fight against that kind of nasty paternal influence, others internalize it, and many, maybe most, struggle somewhere in between those two extremes. I don't bring this up ahead of Father's Day to say: Pssh, dads suck, they don't even deserve their own day! I bring it up to point out just how profoundly important they are.

I've been thinking this week about my own dad, and what I can write in his Father's Day card that expresses that same old feeling in a way that feels new. I keep coming back to this: "You helped me feel that I was a perfectly OK person -- but, mind you, not a perfect little princess." That's because he took me windsurfing, skateboarding, skiing, rockclimbing and rollerblading. We caught frogs and kissed banana slugs (and never with the idea that one would turn into a prince). He didn't try to turn me into a tomboy or a substitute son, he simply celebrated me as a kid.

When I started wearing makeup in high school, he would subtly comment that I looked nice when he caught me without my caked-on foundation and liquid black eyeliner. When I wore my four-inch high-heels to school, he'd playfully wrinkle his face and inquire, "Are you comfortable?" Sometimes he would follow up with a comment about it being unfortunate when fashion crippled women. If only I'd listened then, I might not have a podiatrist on speed-dial.

He never made me feel bad about trying to meet the beauty status quo, but he made it clear that it wasn't something that he particularly valued or expected of women. Of course, that was only reinforced by his relationship with my Mom, an obvious equal and friend. In their house, sex wasn't meant to be something that men conspired to get and that women used to get their way; it was something special, but, at the same time, it wasn't so special as to define your personal worth.

Clio's father helped drive her to feminism with his comparison of women to inanimate objects; my pops made feminism (and essentially humanism) seem pretty obvious. So, as Father's Day fast-approaches, I think it's perfectly appropriate for this ladyblog to recognize all the dads out there who are treating their daughters like perfectly OK people. We salute you.

― Tracy Clark-Flory

Love as the ultimate outlaw

'Tis the season of love, trysts, weddings, and anniversaries. Rob + I will have been married 10 years tomorrow, and though I wouldn't consider our relationship typical, we're both happier now than ever before. Which is due in large part, I think, to actually liking and knowing ourselves.

Here's a fabulous article called How to Make Love Stay: Love As the Ultimate Outlaw that we really like. I'm not sure there is a secret to the perfect relationship/s (much like there is no perfect), but perhaps these are some good guidelines. See what you think.

One of my favorite parts:

"If we are with people who we hide from or who do not see us, we do ourselves an injustice. We begin to shrink to fit the image we think they do see. If we are afraid to reveal ourselves, we diminish who we are. If we stay in a situation where we choose not to be seen and to speak, we live a half-lie every day. We eventually become half-people – we’ve compromised huge parts of ourselves to maintain an illusion of togetherness. That lie grows bigger and bigger until the distance between feels like a chasm. We no longer have intimacy. We no longer have sex. We no longer feel ‘in love.’"

Morning recital

I'm getting all picture-happy lately! Must be the fun iPhone picture apps. Here are two from Leah's class recital (and graduation for the older kids) this morning. Well, not actually from the recital... more like after it.

She + the younger preschoolers joined the graduating class to sing a French version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" ("Tête, épaules, genoux et orteils"). SO cute. Last year she burst into tears upon seeing the audience; this year she had fun with it. Love seeing her grow like that.

Spring break in Massachusetts

Just a few images from our trip this past weekend to see my family in MA. Will upload more to my Flickr account as soon as I'm able. Was a lovely trip!

A few party pics

I'm not much of a party planner, and honestly, most kid's parties scare the crap out of me. But Leah's birthday celebration at the zoo 2 Sundays ago was surprisingly easy to plan for (thanks to perfect weather, pizza delivery and Rob's mom, who made ALL the cupcakes). And fun, to boot!

Leah had a grand 'ol time, riding the carousel, playing with her friends, checking out the animals, and hopping on the train. Perfect way to celebrate her day. Happy 4, sweet girl!

Zero to Four in 60 seconds

4 years old.

Man, I never really anticipated this day. I thought about having a baby. Maybe even a tiny toddler. But never a 4-year-old!

Here she is a few hours after being born:





















And in Maine w/ my fam at age 1 (+ 2 months):
















At her 2nd birthday party with all her cherubic friends (she's the naked one on the right):
















Celebrating 3:
















And on Saturday morning:
















... in the new wagon she helped put together, wearing a pink dress + crown. I love that girl so much it hurts. Here are some more pictures from the day. Check back later for a peek at her little zoo birthday party that happened the next day.

But dude... 4! Blows my mind. And kind of makes my heart hurt because the time is going by way too fast. How much longer will she say, "kiss me all over my face!"?

Birthday post a-comin'

My sweet bean is 4! An actual girl-child; having put her toddler years behind her for good. We had some weekend celebrations, which I'll post about later today if I can. Lots of new things to play with + a driver's license to retrieve from the zoo. Oops.

In the meantime, some (en)light(ening) reading from my friend Michael Moore re: the bankruptcy of GM + solutions for the future. And... regarding the horrific murder of Dr. Tiller, I have no words that haven't been said already.

Ask your kids

I loved this response by San Francisco Chronicle's Mark Morford after Tuesday's sad news on Prop 8:

The big gay shrug.
Sorry, enemies of gay marriage. Prop 8 or no, you've already lost.